Voguing


Ok, reader, by special request, I have been asked to actually give a s**t about celebrities.  Namely, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.  For those who have been living with me under a rock, the “world’s most talked about couple” recently graced the cover of Vogue magazine.

#stillnotgivingas**t
           #stillnotgivingas**t

I thought it was innocuous enough, but it seems like the entire world clutched their pearls.  Some people, such as Sarah Michelle Gellar, threatened to cancel their subscriptions.  This would actually mean something if she hadn’t been irrelevant since 2003.  C’mon, tell me you paid attention to anything she’s done since Buffy.  Come on and lie to me, I dare you.

Anyway, as far as I’ve been able to tell, people are upset because Vogue is the magazine for fashionistas and being on the cover is a big deal; it’s the wet dream of models and designers worldwide.  Then comes this rapper and his girlfriend who first came into the public eye horizontally.  Editor-in-chief Anna Wintour herself has been reluctant to have dealings with the Kardashian Klan in the past, and now she’s allowing this?  Again, this is only as far as I’ve been able to tell.

The truth is… I could care less.  The magazine has been around since 1892.  You don’t think at some point they’re gonna print a cover that people aren’t going to agree with?  Besides, for better or worse, the cover made a self-fulfilling prophecy.  In hashtagging Kim and Kanye as “the world’s most talked about couple,” then sitting back and letting the ragestorm play out, they did exactly what they set out to do; make them the world’s most talked about couple.  Other than “I could care less,” I’m sure you wanna know, reader: what do I really think about all this?

When I first started working with Mr. L, he told me something that sticks in my head to this day: “Any kind of publicity is good publicity.”  I suppose he’s right; the worst thing that can happen to a public figure is losing the attention of the public.  Whether they like you or they hate you, at least they’re taking notice.  They’re talking about you.  Kanye mastered this early in his career.  Although he has his metal-plated jaw wedged firmly in Kim’s ample behind, he somehow managed to nail sound bites that provoke a wide range of reactions, from “hell yeah!” to “hell naw!” to “hell… what?”  Some of these sound bites of late have been devoted to boosting Kim’s public profile in fashion and making his nose browner than it already is; his assertion that Michelle Obama couldn’t Instagram a white swimsuit like Kim did in October, for example (he’s right, of course, because no country in the f**king world wants their First Lady taking pictures in front of a mirror with her ass out).  Then there was the unfortunate floral-patterned dress she wore to the Met Gala last May, while she was pregnant with daughter North.  I swear, it looks like a f**king sofa, and I can’t look at pictures of the bloody thing for longer than three seconds; I don’t know whether she has it dry cleaned or reupholstered.

http://www.glamour.com/images/fashion/2013/05/met-gala-kim-kardashian-h724.jpg
You know they have seats at the gala already,
right?

Still, the couple’s relationship with the public is weird.  Even though many people find them completely annoying, they still have an influence of popular culture and fashion.  They’re easy targets for comedians; the cover itself has been lampooned several times.  Even before they got together, Kanye was making his name as a talented recording artist and a trendsetting producer, so I’m not saying there isn’t any talent in this couple, I’m just saying it might not necessarily be in fashion.

The point is, with all these faux pas Kim Kardashian perpetrates, she still managed to make the cover of Vogue with Kanye.  Not because they’re paragons of fashion, but because they wouldn’t leave Anna Wintour alone until they did.  Think about it; Anna Wintour, who in addition to being one of the most influential people in the fashion world, also has a reputation for making models’ and designers’ lives a living hell.  Almost nothing on the runway moves if she doesn’t approve of it, and they managed to get her OK to be on the cover of her magazine.  That’s f**king scary, reader.  But that’s been pretty much their entire career, Kanye’s especially.  He’s like that annoying four-year-old who keeps screaming because he wants you to play with him.  And he won’t.  Shut.  Up.  So the Vogue cover and the backlash?  That’s us playing with Kimye.  My suggestion?  Stop playing with Kimye.  Send them to bed with no supper instead.


About Charlie Biggs

Charlie Biggs is the tall, dark, and devilishly handsome host, writer and co-producer of The Alarmed Show. A native of Brooklyn, NY, he enjoys music, movies, and books. Biggs lives in New Jersey with his wife and daughter.